These were my solutions to a chain of problems that felt so large, so big and dark and overwhelming, that I could see no other escape. It was Freshmen year at college and I had hit my hardest wall, and in the longest moment of those darkest days I concocted schemes that would end my life and end all the confusion forever.
Lucky for me, I never got the chance to try. In droves and pairs a network of support came to my rescue, including family, friends, peers and teachers, and not least of all my counselor--angels on earth. I worked through most of the problems and learned to see light where there was only darkness, and am happy to say I don't concoct schemes for my own destruction anymore. That is my happy ending, but I know that for an estimated 3,000 a day the ending is different.
World Suicide Prevention Day is something I just barely discovered. It is an international day sponsored by the World Health Organization and observed in countries around the world in various ways. According to the internet it's been around for over a decade, but I'd never heard of it until a friend posted on Facebook about it and asked us all to wear yellow or write the word "Love" on our wrists. I did so, and then immediately went to the web to find out more.
For me personally, in my little corner of Idaho, I'd like to commemorate WSPD by spending the day thinking of the people I know, old and young, family and friend and acquaintance, who have attempted, concocted, or succeeded in their own tragic plans during their darkest day. The threat of depression and suicide has played a very large role in my life the last three years, and it deserves our attention, our respect, and our thoughts. To all of the families who have suffered from the effects of suicide or suicide attempt and to all of you out there in a dark place today I offer my love and a few messages that helped me get out of depression and back into a sense of self:
You are not alone. No matter how lonely it gets there is --always-- the option to talk to someone. I believe in counselors and encourage visiting with them. I believe in teachers, neighbors, and coworkers who can surprise you with how much wisdom they have to give and how much love they can offer. I also believe that whether you are religious or not, when you offer your voice to one God or many, to the trees or sky or the universe in general, there is someone listening. Once you allow yourself to talk you allow light to come back into your life.
"It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years - we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on.”-- Sharon Salzberg
I want to share another blog I thought was pretty cool today: http://thebloggess.com/2012/09/today-and-forever/
Finally, a song by Shinedown helped get me through a lot lately and continues to help me today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-jzeZbS4sQ
Be good to yourselves <3
