When
I was a Freshmen in college I was assigned a first-year mentor to help me
adjust to life on campus. In addition to teaching me about sororities, service
hours and how to fight the flu by pouring water up your nose (this is REAL--Google Neti Pots!), my mentor told me something I will never forget.
“There
will be people here who do not like you. This is just fact. You need to be
prepared for that.”
I
don’t remember when this conversation came up, but it has always stuck with me.
When I heard it I was incredulous. I rolled my eyes inwardly and filed it away
somewhere, confident that I was just too easy-going and too nice to not get
along with everybody. How naïve we Freshmen can be.
It
can be considered a miracle that I made it eighteen years without anybody
disliking me openly. Oh there were fights between friends, and one teacher who
definitely had issues with me, but nobody expressed to me outright that they
did not like me and never changed their mind later.
Until
college.
I
now have met and worked with students who for one reason or another could not
get along with me. I’ve had coworkers who hated me and teachers who dismissed
me. I’ve had people I look up to ignore me and people I love disown me. In
short—I have witnessed all that human nature has to offer. And sometimes it’s
not nice.
At
first, I rebelled against these situations. With my mentor’s words echoing in
my head I would desperately call for a truce, asking a coworker for some middle
ground or trying to figure out what the source of their dislike could be. Was
it because I was quiet and compliant and therefore weak in their eyes? Was it
that I worked hard and got praise from our employer or teacher and was
therefore irritating? Was it because I was still learning the job at hand and
seemed slower than those around me? I tried to be faster, tried to speak up
more and even tried to suck more at my job; but all with no progress. They just
didn’t like me.
This
issue has been hard to deal with this year because one of my housemates falls
into this category. It’s not that we don’t get along—we can share a meal or
catch a movie or rub shoulders in the hallway without any animosity. It’s just
that we aren’t exactly “bosom friends.” We stand on neutral soil, staring each
other down from our opposite ends of the house, my third housemate the ally in
between. Our geography is part of the problem. Being on two opposite ends of
the house is already polarizing enough without the added opposites in work
ethic, values or frugality. There have been a couple of arguments over the
school-year that made me feel certain we were from two different planets.
When
I asked the Switzerland
(go-between) house mate whether or not our roomie hated me she said: “No…” and
then added thoughtfully, “but she doesn’t particularly want a friendship with
you either.”
I
could be really upset about this. I could wonder if there’s something wrong
with me or walk on pins and needles when she’s around trying to find within her
a friend that will last through our lifetime…but sometimes you just have to
accept what is. Embrace the fact that sometimes there are people who just don’t
like you. And you undoubtedly find that you just don’t like certain people
either. It doesn’t mean that you have to be rude to each other, or treat each
other with disrespect. And it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with
you. It is just another natural and unfortunate piece of the human psyche.
So
if there’s a coworker, friend, family member or neighbor who irritates the hell
out of you and you don’t know why; or they are irritated by you and you don’t
know why—don’t worry. Be happy. There are plenty of people who will like you
for who you are. Keep those ones around and let these others roll off your back.
*Picture by Google*
