The stress of the days before the wedding completely dissolved in the weeks after it, and the hindsight that is love has since traded in all of the negative for the euphoria of experiencing everything anew as a newly-wed. Feeding ducks on the river. Game nights with in-laws (who were kind enough to dismiss a certain new daughter-in-law flooding the bathroom and ruining the carpet.) Pumpkin bread. Christmas giving. New Years' kisses. These are the highlights of my Christmas break. The highlights of my new life.
As I return to school the difference between that life and this are startling. I feel like I've landed smack onto a different planet, one with the cold reality of returning to a long-distance relationship.
In cooking terms to "shock" something is to halt the cooking process by suddenly dousing hot food into ice-cold water. Coming back to college was much the same. Due to some kind of oversight by one of my housemates the heating got turned off in our house in Caldwell, plunging me literally into a freezing cold new environment that almost snuffed out all the warmth of now being a "Mrs." We bought or borrowed an army of space heaters and crouched around them, trying to stay warm until the heating got turned on again yesterday. On my first day of my Psychology class the teacher informed us that statistically, 58% of us were doomed for failed relationships and divorce. Only 8% of us would ever make it to old age as in love with our partners as we were on day one of married life. Looking around the room I realized that of the forty-odd of us that meant I had a 3.2/40 chance of being in that 8%. More ice water: in the mail I got a questionairre about my college plans for next year. Where would I be living? What was my meal plan? Would I be needing student loans? With surprise I realized I didn't know the answers to these questions yet as my husband and I hadn't worked out what we could and couldn't manage on our tiny budgets.
Through all this anxiety I had to take a step back. On the day that I left for Caldwell we visited with my mother-in-law quickly before hitting the road and she reminded me of the bigger picture. As I whined and complained about leaving everything behind and once again joining the world of exams and work and limited communication with the man I love, she told me of a time period in her marriage when her husband was in the Navy and she was living alone in California with no contacts or friends. She heard from her husband sporadically over several months, sometimes going weeks without a word. She made only a few phone calls a week, usually on the weekends when it was cheaper. And she only had one day a month in which she could rent a car and see the town, running errands and tasting the freedom of vehicle-owners for those precious hours. "You, on the other hand," she looked at me pointedly, "have a cell phone and can talk to anyone anytime you want. You have friends at school. You have classes to take and things to do. You don't have to worry about a man overseas." SO STOP BEING A BOOB!!! (The implied message and italics added.)
She was right. I know I can't afford to despair about the little things. Not when there is so much to do and so much to still be thankful for. On the refrigerator in her home there is a magnet that says "bloom where you are planted." Over the last few days I have thought of her story and that phrase many times, trying to take courage from her example and the examples of other women in my life who have had to be separated from loved ones. I'm planted here at least until graduation, so I had better make the most of it. Enjoy the challenges that this time will bring and just remember that at the end there is light and love and life.
In honor of this I decided to rename my blog and try to write and think and live more positively. I have tried an experiment like this in the past, but I didn't have as much to motivate me as I do now. I'm beyond thankful for my husband, my family (both old and new), my friends and teachers and this town that I've been planted in. May I learn to bloom!
